WORLD - In a statement that surprised nearly no one, Satan, the accuser and enemy of God and His people, paused briefly from roaming the earth seeking someone to devour Wednesday to confirm to reporters that he is responsible for the entire white supremacist movement worldwide.

"Oh yeah, that's all me. For sure," said the wicked one Lucifer, adding that he's "really been on a roll lately with this particular gig."

"I'm quite proud of this hell-filling racket. It's as anti-biblical as anything can be, causing human beings made in the image of God to be seen as subhuman and expendable, but do you see how tons of them even invoke the name of God as justification for hating everyone who isn't white? Purely satanic. Some of my best work, honestly."

The devil then ended his interview abruptly, explaining that he has "a lot of work to do today on this front."