LOS ANGELES, CA — A special WNBA task force announced on Thursday that they had been unable to define a woman after several hours of meetings led to a stalemate on where to go to lunch.
"We tried to get to the topic at hand, but mostly we argued over whether we should order Panera or Zupas for lunch," said WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert. "After many hours of debate, we realized that there was no time left for us to figure out what a woman is. Tomorrow, I guess. If we can agree on lunch."
The WNBA organized the group to help the league define how they define women who want to play basketball. At present, the WNBA has no standard for who they allow into the league and does not have any policies in place to prevent men who want to participate.
"At present, we're not sure what a woman is, so we really need to get to the bottom of this," Engelbert admitted. "But between the 15 ladies on the committee, we really got ourselves tied in knots over the lunch thing. Some wanted Panda Express, others just suggested everyone bring some cheese to share, and one lady insisted we order takeout from an Indian restaurant 2 hours away. In the end, we ate some crackers we found in the closet of the meeting room and talked about girl stuff."
The group promised to reconvene tomorrow and had reportedly devised a system for choosing lunch, with the senior-most ranking member of the committee appointing a lunch czar who would delegate her responsibilities equally over a 5-person advisory board.
At publishing time, the task force had reached a stalemate over where lunch should be ordered from tomorrow.
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