GRAND RAPIDS, MI — In what many commentators and observers are referring to as a "total noob move," local husband Jeffrey Blanc accidentally asked his wife how her day was earlier this week.
According to sources familiar with the situation, no sooner had the words left Blanc's mouth before he realized exactly how rookie his mistake had been.
"Hey honey, how was your da..." Blanc began to ask his wife Catherine, just before he realized how dumb of a mistake he was making. "...Aaaa....I mean, no, wait!!"
"What was that? Did you just ask about my day? How sweet!" Catherine allegedly said mercilessly, touching up her makeup before snapping the case shut and sitting down to tell her newbie loser every single minute detail of her day. Every. Single. One.
"Yeah, that's really a skill issue on Jeff's part," commented Brett, one of Jeffrey's friends. "I can't believe he would fall for such a beginner's mistake. Really too bad — he was a good man."
Jeffery was unavailable for comment, as his wife was still talking to him about how her sister's brother-in-law had just been talking to her maternal aunt about how he needed to get a new minivan for the family, which was really growing now that Helen had just had that adorable new baby, and did he want to see a picture — but wait, no that one was from Bella's vacation the other month, which reminds her of that vacation Jeffery hadn't booked yet; as long as he wouldn't make them go see his family again since they do that every single year and...
[Editor's Note:] At publishing time, the Babylon Bee had posted a search for a new writer after the correspondent who covered Jeffery Blanc tragically died of boredom.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
