U.S. — The advancement of modern technology received yet another boost this week with the introduction of a revolutionary new social media algorithm that just shows you posts from people you follow.
The long-desired updated algorithm features an innovative design that gathers and displays posts, images, and videos that were shared by the family, friends, and content creators you actually want to see.
"We don't know why it took this long," said one developer who played a key role in creating the algorithm. "For whatever reason, we spent the longest time just assuming every user only wanted to see content that was completely irrelevant to them from people they didn't know and had no desire to follow. I have no clue why we thought that, but we did. Anyway, now users can just enjoy seeing stuff they like from people they actually want to see."
Consumers were thrilled with the new feature. "It's about time!" said social media user Gina Langford. "It's great that I don't have to sit and scroll through a seemingly endless parade of dog videos and ASMR clips of people chewing loudly into microphones to get to the stuff I actually want. It only took them 20 years of social media development to figure this out, apparently."
At publishing time, social media users said they remained hopeful that there would come a day when they could briefly look at an advertisement without spending the next several decades of their lives being inundated with ads for similar products.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
