WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican leaders are reportedly meeting this week to discuss how their polling could be so terrible ahead of the midterms despite doing so many wildly unpopular things.
Recent polls show Republican support somehow cratering even though gas costs are soaring, inflation continues to rise, the war with Iran is continuing, and nothing has been done to secure our elections. The GOP leadership, reviewing the results at the strategy meeting, were left stumped.
House Speaker Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune sat down to discuss the matter on Fox News.
"I don't understand why our poll numbers aren't higher despite the fact we've done so many things that people don't like," said Johnson. "We didn't do the things people did ask us to do, and we did the things no one wanted us to do. Yet, our polling is the worst it's been in twenty years. How could this happen?"
"It's a mystery," replied Thune. We've blown up the deficit and showed remarkable restraint in not passing meaningful voter reform. Do you know how hard it is to do nothing and look like you're working? It's hard. I don't think the American people really appreciate that."
Democrats are reportedly equally stumped. "We do terrible things all the time and our base continues to grow," said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "Just this week, I posted completely fabricated stories online to try to start a race war, hoping it would make people kill each other. I only got more popular. I can't understand why it doesn't work for Republicans don't."
At publishing time, President Trump announced a plan to tariff voters until they vote for him.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
