WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to a study by the Pew Research Center released Tuesday, the average American Christian’s plan to intentionally kill and mortify the desires of the sinful nature is made up primarily of binge-watching all varieties of television shows on Netflix.
While many Christians’ carefully thought-out strategies to fight sin also included tactics like just hanging out with buddies, hoping sinful desires would eventually stop, and briefly feeling guilty for sin before diving right back into the same patterns of behavior, the survey found that zoning out over several seasons of hit shows on Netflix or other online services weekly was by far the most popular staple in believers’ sin mortification diet.
Saints differed sharply on which shows to consume in unhealthy quantities in an attempt to intentionally slay the desires of the flesh that war against their souls. “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer,” “Battlestar Galactica,” “The X-Files,” and “Orange Is The New Black” were all common components of killing the old man, though running through all Gilmore Girls episodes twice a month was also popular. But no matter what the particular tactic, nearly all Christians were united on the common ground of vegging out to hours of mind-numbing entertainment in order to put to death their worldly impulses.
A future study will concentrate on Christians’ Bible-reading plans, which experts theorize are primarily made up of scrolling through Facebook and hoping a Bible verse pops up once in a while.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.