PORTLAND, OR—Local 5-year-old progressive child Hunter Gaiden was caught with his hand in the cookie jar today. There were clearly crumbs all over his face, as well as a trail of crumbs leading right to the cookie jar.
But Gaiden employed a brilliant defense, claiming all the hard evidence that he had participated in illicit household activity was actually part of a Russian disinformation campaign.
"This is clearly part of a Russian disinformation campaign," he said as his parents caught him eating a cookie. "If you spread this information, you're spreading Russian disinfo. They're trying to influence this household! They're everywhere! They're listening to us right now!"
His parents still grounded him, prompting him to call them "puppets of Putin."