U.S. — A large crowd of pro-Palestine protestors was captivated by an unidentified man who abruptly stepped to the front of the group, commandeered the podium, and began ranting about the Jews.
"Yo, yo. I'm really happy for ya'll. Imma let you finish, but yo, these Jews gotta be dealt with, right?" the masked man said. "Hitler wasn't a bad guy. It's time to stop villainizing the Nazis, right? They did some good things. They all think I'm crazy but I'm not! It's time to go death con 3 on the Jews, ya'll!"
"Wow! This guy is speaking my language!" one protestor said of the masked speaker. "I have no idea who this guy is or where he came from, but he sure does hate Jewish people. Whoever he is, he's someone we can get behind!"
The crowd, initially taken aback by the arrival of the stranger, was quickly enraptured by his words. "The full ski mask and the weird Adidas clothing seems out of place," said one protestor, "but, wow, he's saying the things we're all feeling. At one point, he even started spontaneously rhyming everything he said. Before we knew it, every head in the crowd was bobbing."
At publishing time, the masked stranger had disappeared into the crowd after receiving loud applause from the pro-Palestine crowd, with several protestors reportedly hearing him say he was planning some type of "comeback" with a joint "album release party" and "fashion show" set to take place next year in Gaza.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
