FORKSVILLE, PA — As part of a new hardline stance being taken to start the new year, a local Presbyterian church announced that starting this Sunday, tasers will be used against anyone who raises their hands during worship.
The deacon board of Grace Presbyterian Church said the decision was made to enforce the "no hand-raising" policy more forcefully in the coming year after reports throughout 2024 indicated that congregants were not taking it seriously. Church leaders believe tasers are the solution.
"Disobedience and rebelliousness come with a price," said Pastor Fred Barnes. "We're starting the new year fresh, but people attending our services had better be warned: the days of tolerating any wild and unrestrained hand-raising on the Lord's Day are over. If you want to perpetrate such a sinful act as putting your hands in the air while worshiping, then you best get ready to ride the lightning."
As part of the church's budget for 2025, the board included the procurement of several tasers to be used by ushers during Sunday services. "These non-lethal tools show we mean business," said deacon Harold Chambers. "You stand there, you sing your songs, and you keep your hands at your sides. And don't give me any of that ‘the Bible talks about people raising their hands in praise' nonsense. This isn't about the Bible. We're a Presbyterian church."
At publishing time, the church staff was moving full speed ahead with the new policy after having successfully tested the tasers on Dorothy, the church secretary.
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