CLEVELAND, OH—According to sources within Second Baptist Church of Cleveland, Teaching Pastor John Walton abandoned his key sermon point and wandered away from the pulpit in order to catch a Pokémon for his Pokémon GO collection Sunday morning.
Walton had reportedly begun a passionate plea for his congregation to focus on Christ, preaching that “knowing Jesus is everything—all else is just details.” But as he began to expound on his point, carefully exegeting the third chapter of Philippians, he suddenly trailed off and muttered that he had to “take care of something real quick” before walking briskly out the side door while staring at his phone, leaving the congregation stunned and confused.
Bewildered parishioners peered out the church’s windows to spot Pastor John with his smartphone extended, frantically swiping at the screen to throw Poké Balls at what turned out to be the fire-type Pokémon Growlithe.
Once the virtual monster was caught, Walton performed a brief victory dance before sprinting back to the pulpit and picking up where he left off, according to eyewitnesses.
“Now where was I?” he reportedly preached to his flummoxed flock. “Ah right—considering all things as loss when compared with Christ; let’s get right back to it then.”
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.