RUTLAND, VT — In a story that seems to add heartbreak to heartbreak, a local Christian's prayer request has gone unanswered as it had been posted on Threads.

For reader clarification, Threads is a social media platform created by employees of Mark Zuckerberg's Meta that is only used by employees of Mark Zuckerberg's Meta.

"I offered my sincere prayer request in the form of flowing calligraphic text on an image with a beautiful seashore in the background, using a meme generator," said the victim of the unanswered prayer, Christine Wadsworth while dabbing her tear-filled eyes. "It was a simple, humble request that I posted on Threads. Not only did my prayer request go unanswered, but it received no Likes or Shares — not even one View."

Asked to comment on the prayer request disappearing into the dark, empty void called Threads, Mr. Zuckerberg insisted Threads is actually being used by tens of millions of imaginary people in his imaginary world he likes to call the Metaverse.

At publishing time, another Christian man had received an answer to his prayers but nobody knew about the miracle because he had posted about it on Threads.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.