VATICAN CITY — Joining the groups of outspoken activists who attach themselves to prominent works of art, Pope Francis has glued himself to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel to protest climate change.
"We must stop climate change now!" the 86-year-old pontiff said as he hung precariously from the ceiling that features priceless paintings by famed artist Michelangelo. "There is no greater danger to all of God's children than the threat of the temperature of the earth rising slightly and causing inclement weather. All other issues around the world pale in comparison to this."
Tourists looked on in confused astonishment as they witnessed the Pope himself enter the Sistine Chapel while carrying an extension ladder. "We thought it was an impersonator or something," said American tourist William Moody. "But no, it's really him. He just calmly walked into the center of the chapel, set up the ladder, and climbed up to the ceiling. We were all glad he had some shorts on under those robes."
The Pope then superglued himself in between the hands of Adam and God in the central depiction of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam. "This is symbolic, my children!" Pope Francis shouted while waiting for the glue to dry. "I am placing myself between God and man because — oh, this glue is irritating my skin. I wasn't expecting that."
At publishing time, the Pope remained glued to the ceiling, as tourists ignored his shouts against climate change to take selfies with him dangling in the background.
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