REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — What began as a beautiful summer weekend in the popular Rehoboth Beach community collapsed into confusion and terror as the local police department was called to investigate a corpse that apparently washed up on the beach.
"Multiple eyewitnesses reported a horrifying sight," said Sgt. Jon Munyan in a briefing to the press. "We were notified of what appeared to be a severely decomposed human male lying on the beach in broad daylight. We are currently investigating the reports and will provide more details when they become available."
Stunned onlookers described the scene. "We were just enjoying a beautiful day at the beach," said Rehoboth resident Ryan Ehart. "My daughter started screaming, and I looked up and saw what clearly looked like a dead man reclining in a beach chair. He was white as a sheet and showed no signs of life. In fact, he appeared to have been dead for a very long time. Stringy hair… hollowed-out features. Really nasty."
Parents attempted to cover the eyes of young children and lead them away from the gruesome sight. "Someone said a doctor was seen near the body, but that turned out to be an old lady named Jill who is apparently only a pretend doctor," Sgt. Munyan continued. "Anyone with information about this incident or why the Secret Service was guarding this corpse, please contact us."
At publishing time, wild rumors had begun to swirl that the corpse later stood up and stumbled off in the direction of an ice cream stand.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
