CORVALLIS, OR—Local advocate for all things noble Meridith Shoemaker was surprised to receive a ticket from the Corvallis Police Department last month. The citation was reportedly issued for “Failure to Virtue Signal During an Important Crisis.”
“This is a one-time mistake, officer, I swear,” Shoemaker reportedly told told the policeman who pulled her over. “I always remember to signal my left-leaning moral superiority during every newsworthy tragedy.”
A brief perusal of Ms. Shoemaker’s Facebook timeline and Twitter feed confirm her spotless record of virtue signaling. Both social media profiles feature a broad array of avatar overlays, condemnations of all that is evil and conservative in the world, as well as an adequate amount of self-righteous grandstanding.
Given her unstained history, Ms. Shoemaker tried fighting the FVSDIC ticket in court. “I always send thoughts and prayers, your honor. Always,” She reportedly told the judge at her hearing. “But I was so busy with work that I completely forgot to publicly announce my intentions to donate to hurricane relief.” The court was unmoved by the testimony, however, and sentenced Shoemaker to 15 hours of live-tweeting community service.
At press time Monday, Meridith Shoemaker was dressed in an orange vest, picking up trash at a local park, and tweeting that she was “literally shaking” that so few people choose to get involved to serve their community like she does.