PHILADELPHIA, PA — The nation is in shock today after a widely-circulated video showing a Philly sports fan acting like a Philly sports fan.
The video shows a woman dressed in Phillies gear demanding a kid turn over the home run ball that his dad had just scored him on his birthday, which is the sort of horrific behavior expected of all Philly sports fans.
"Stealing a kid's home run ball on his birthday, that's pretty standard," said Philly sports fan Mark Madison. "I don't really understand why everyone is acting so surprised and appalled. This is Philly we're talking about, people. Taking memories from kids is just what we do."
Pundits familiar with the Philly sports scene agreed with the assessment by locals. "That video was the worst of humanity, just ugly, evil, and sad... pretty much exactly what you would expect from Philly," said Sports Illustrated writer Jack Hamilton. "I was surprised she didn't rip the kid's glove off and take that too, to be frank. Philly's going soft."
At publishing time, the Phillies had announced "Steal a Kid's Ball Night," where all kids would be given a ball and then grownups could try to steal them to make the kids cry.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
