HEAVEN — Old habits from life on Earth seemed to be challenging to break, as reports from Heaven indicated that Saint Peter was seen trying to explain to John the Baptist that he didn't have to eat bugs anymore.
The Baptist, who was described by Jesus as the greatest ever to be born of a woman, lived his earthly life sustaining himself on a diet of locusts and wild honey. Witnesses said Peter was having some difficulty convincing him that there were more food options available to him in eternity.
"You know there's much better stuff to eat here, right?" Peter reportedly asked John. "I know you're used to the bugs and all, but come on, man. You can literally eat anything you want here without ever worrying about putting on weight or endangering your health. Seriously. We've got the best filet mignon, desserts better than any French pastry joint, and an endless supply of Reese's peanut butter eggs… and you're still eating locusts? Dude."
Angelic insiders revealed that the debate between Peter and the Baptist had been ongoing for over 2,000 Earth years. "He just loves the bugs," one angel said. "Bug and honey. Bugs and honey. Every meal. Every day. The ‘eating locusts' thing was an impressive trademark act when he was on Earth, but he really needs to expand his palate a bit. At least cover the bugs in chocolate or something."
At publishing time, Peter had reportedly convinced John the Baptist to at least try dipping the bugs in ranch dressing.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
