WASHINGTON D.C. — Republicans caused outrage and horror today among people who would never cheat in elections with the introduction of a new ‘Stop Cheating In Elections' Bill.
Congressional Republicans insisted that the bill would simply prevent cheating in elections and ensure that they are fair, while people who would never cheat insisted that the problematic bill targeted them.
"I want to be clear. This bill is racist, xenophobic, transphobic, and possibly arachnophobic," Said Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "It's not the ‘no cheating' part that bothers us because obviously we would never, ever cheat. But it's outrageous that Republicans would want to take measures to stop us from cheating. Which we never ever do."
In a statement released today, the White House blasted Congressional Republicans for trying to push through a "totally unnecessary" bill instead of much more important bills that President Biden has pledged support for, such as the "No Furry Left Behind" Bill, the "Legalize Crack and Bribery" Bill, and the "It's Not Weird To Date Your Brother's Widow" Bill.
At publishing time, the Democrats were hard at work building Congressional ballot drop boxes to vote on the "Stop Cheating In Elections" Bill and told the press they were "very confident" the Bill would not pass.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
