Pastor Silently Judges Congregants Who Left Their Bibles At Church All Week
Church · Jun 19, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

TERRELL, TX - At Word of Light Community Church Sunday morning, Pastor Stinson McGarvey began the morning service by glaring silently at every member of the congregation who left their bibles at church all week. Though he did not speak a word, the judgment in his eyes filled the room like a dense fog.

"You could hear a pin drop," said church member Alvin Garrison.

Finally, McGarvey looked down and began, "Let's review the passage I asked you to pray over this week." He then quickly whipped his head up and glared at everyone again with eyes like an angry cobra. "IF YOU ACTUALLY READ YOUR BIBLE THAT IS," he hissed.

The rustle of thin paper could be heard as a light scattering of elderly parishioners pulled out their bibles and obeyed the command. The rest of the audience - nearly 98% of those present - froze, as they could tell by the anger in their pastor's eyes that they had been found out.

The entire sermon lasted nearly an hour and mostly consisted of Pastor Stinson glaring, huffing, throwing his arms up, and reading scripture to his congregation with dramatic and sarcastic flare as he paced back and forth like a caged jackal, throwing in comments such as, "Let me read this for those of you who can't take the time to read it yourself. Maybe I should feed it to you with a little baby spoon?"

"Hard to do your devos when you don't have your Bible, eh, Jimmy boy?" he said to one man as he returned his Bible to him in the foyer after the service. "Might wanna hang onto it this time, sonny."

After service ended and the church crowd shuffled out, McGarvey noticed many of the same bibles left scattered about the pews and he crumbled over and wept. "


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