POINTVILLE, WA—In an effort to ensure Sunday’s 20-minute message was as relevant as possible, Pastor Carl Boyd of First Baptist Church carefully consulted his study resources, including his expensive Logos Software interlinear packages, his various print commentaries, and the vast well of linguistic knowledge available for free on Urban Dictionary.
The pastor was seen intently staring at the screen, nodding slowly as he began to comprehend the common language of our day necessary to effectively communicate the timeless truths of Scripture.
“Bae, have you seen this website?” the 48-year-old Boyd called downstairs from his study to his wife. “My Sunday message is going to be everything. All the things.”
“Are you okay, honey? I thought you looked a little out of it yesterday,” his concerned wife called back.
“You have no chill,” Boyd reportedly replied as he furiously scribbled down metaphors, idioms, and catch phrases in common use by millennials in order to make sure he had a wide range of today’s hip lingo. “I can’t wait to show these words to my squad at church.”
At publishing time, Boyd had finished his self-described “savage” sermon, tentatively titled “Don’t Throw Shade At Jesus.”