NEW YORK, NY - With diversity, equity, and inclusion steamrolling a path for trans women to dominate women in all aspects of life, especially sports, the nation has come together with hopes that someday a trans woman basketball player will finally make the WNBA watchable.
"WNBA games may soon be endured by more than just a player's family, friends, and sportscasters in need of punishment," said NBA commissioner Adam Silver who had continual trouble stifling a yawn each time he mentioned the WNBA. "A trans woman may help the league's reputation of being boring, stifled, uninteresting, tedious, slow, lethargic, lifeless, dull, unexciting, impotent, monotonous, forced, stale, interminable, vapid, wearisome…"
When interrupted with a question about whether allowing an obvious male into the WNBA could lead to the erasure of women, commissioner Silver replied, "Who?"
Long-time basketball fan Mitch Loinberner expressed keen interest in making the WNBA watchable, saying he tried watching the WNBA a couple of times based on his enjoyment of women's beach volleyball, but admitted it was tough trying to watch a bunch of women jog between baskets without even jumping or doing cool things with the ball.
"Sure, if the game had speed, dribbling, high-flying dunks, alley-oops, bombs from downtown, breaking backboards, breaking ankles, normal basketball stuff like that, then I'd watch it," said Loinberner.
The basketball fan grew even more excited after learning about plans to add cheerleaders to each WNBA team so the TV cameras could have something interesting to focus on whenever the trans woman was not playing.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
