WASHINGTON, D.C.—Just days before the inauguration of the 46th President, the White House has undergone unusual changes that may be an ominous warning for Joe Biden. White House construction workers have now remodeled the Presidential restroom and replaced it with a female restroom.
“Hey! There goes the Presidential urinal!” shouted a frustrated Joe Biden. “Barack never let me use that, even as Vice President. What gives?!”
The construction crew ignored him and continued working silently.
“C’mon, man, I’m supposed to be the President. What kinda malarkey is this? Why is there a women’s restroom here now?” continued Biden trying to piece together what was happening.
According to an anonymous source who could not stop cackling for a single sentence, these changes were just a necessary precaution to make sure everything is in order for her inauguration day. “We all know that if something unfortunate, and definitely unplanned were to happen to Joe that I-- I mean, uh, Kamala would need to be ready to take over immediately,” the source said. “And let’s be honest, OK, that bathroom was an outdated symbol of patriarchy."
Despite it being mere days before becoming President, Biden fears he may never get to use the historic urinal. Making matters worse, Biden also noticed that the seat had been permanently attached in the down position, never to be lifted again. “KAMALAAAA!!” shouted the President-elect. But it was too late for him to do anything since it was time for his meds and a long, long walk into the sunset.
At publishing time it was reported that the Oval Office was being repainted and redecorated, complete with essential oil diffusers and a purse rack instead of a coat rack.