LOST HILLS, CA — New reports show the four old guys hanging out at Denny's at 6 a.m. are having a better day than you or anyone else could possibly dream of.
Art Baxter, Dean Crandle, Marty Sylvester, and Harold Palmer gathered Tuesday morning at the Lost Hills Denny's, a ritual they've been engaging in every Tuesday morning for the past 35 years. According to experts, the weekly event eclipses even the strongest feelings of joy and satisfaction that you will ever experience.
"Yup, we've been coming here for the specials ever since they opened," Crandle explained. "I usually get the Grand Slam, but Harold over there, Dean likes that fruity French toast. Don't cha like that fruit, Harold? Ha!"
The group reportedly spends an hour or so chatting about sports and comparing photos of their grandkids, while the rest of society goes about in abject sorrow.
"They just sit there and talk," waitress Debra Skinner reported. "I fill up their coffees, and they crack jokes and make good-natured flirty comments. They're always so polite. I don't quite get to experience their level of happiness, but at least I get a little taste of it being their waitress."
At publishing time, the gang had decided to add a Thursday night "baseball and cigars at Art's house" gathering, an event many say trumps the feeling of winning the lottery.
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