VISTA, CA — Local man Alex McCarthy has reported high levels of well-being, with his career trajectory, family life, and leadership in his church and community all on an upward trajectory. Things were going so smoothly that he decided to follow sports to bring some more crippling stress and frustration into his life.
"I was just winning too much, and I knew my life needed the challenge of more losing – so I became a Padres fan," McCarthy admitted he has been surrounded by sports fandom since childhood, but always put his emotional energy into a productive career rather than sports — over which he has no control, but has total investment.
While McCarthy had also been on a long streak of upward momentum in his workout regimen, he reported that he needed "a good old-fashioned vice" to keep from becoming "too ripped" — and sources confirm he went back to drinking hazy IPAs as the brutal losses of his newfound favorite team began to mount.
Sports fans online have defended the camaraderie of talking with each other about wins and losses, ups and downs, and player antics of their favorite teams, and said the net effect is positive.
At publishing time, McCarthy reported that watching sports was too infuriating, and announced that he would take up playing golf instead.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!