Newsom Touring The Country As Even He Can’t Stand Being In California Anymore
Politics · Apr 7, 2023 ·

SARASOTA, FL — California Governor Gavin Newsom made a surprise visit to Florida this week, as even he can't stand being in California anymore.

"It's so great to be among the great people of Florida, on the other side of the country, miles, and miles, and miles away from California," said Newsom to a group of college students who were being given class credit to show up. "I feel so sorry for you people living under DeSantis's tyranny, what with your clean sidewalks, safe neighborhoods, and beaches with no tent cities on them. So terrible!"

"Say, do you think I could stay here for a couple more days or a year or two or three?"

Inside sources say the governor was looking for any excuse to leave the hellhole he's been running for several years, and decided to get away for a few weeks under the guise of a nationwide tour of red states to see how terrible things are there.

"Have you guys seen Ohio? You can walk on the sidewalk in your neighborhood without getting mugged!" said the Governor. "I stayed there for a whole week! It was awful!"

At publishing time, Californians had been seen constructing a wall in hopes of preventing the Governor from returning.

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