ST LOUIS, MO — Finding themselves in hot water with Christians and conservatives this week, Anheuser-Busch has extended an olive branch to the Christian community with its new John MacArthur edition of Bud Light.
The commemorative aluminum can features the pastor's joyful face along with a message commending him on many years of faithful service to Christ and the Scriptures: "CONGRATULATIONS ON OVER 50 YEARS OF BIBLICAL PREACHING!"
"We just want our market base of Baptists who secretly drink beer to choose Bud Light once again," said Anheuser-Busch representative Cindy Pearson. "Yes, we did send out commemorative cans to some influencers whose lifestyle Christians may disagree with, but we hope MacArthur's face brings them back in droves."
Sources within the company claim that other commemorative cans have been planned, including products featuring Paul Washer, Voddie Baucham, Ray Comfort, Kirk Cameron, and John Piper. Piper responded to the rumors by saying even if the company delivered the beer directly to his doorstep, he would turn it down: "Don't waste the drive."
MacArthur said that while he usually doesn't condone alcoholic beverages, he will make an exception for this special edition of Bud Light, "since it's basically just water, am I right, fam? Boom!" He then tried to get Phil Johnson to fist-bump him, but alas, Johnson left him hanging.
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.