PAWTUCKET, RI — Hasbro has announced that the beloved children's game Guess Who? is finally getting a more inclusive makeover that will bring it up to date with all 437 known genders.
Guess Who? was originally published by Milton Bradley Company at a time when there were only two genders, 1979. It was published first in the Netherlands but was soon brought over to the United Kingdom and the United States, all places in which the gender binary was the norm and cis heteronormativity prevailed.
Originally the game only had 24 portraits and matching cards, requiring each player to ask simple "yes or no" questions like "is your person a boy?" or "does your person wear glasses?" to deduce which card your opponent had drawn.
"It used to be a simple children's game taking no longer than 20 minutes and teaching kids to use logic and ask smart questions," said Hasbro CEO Osmond Hasborn. "But, it's 2024 and now we know that logic is just bigoted and narrow-minded."
Hasbro invited The Babylon Bee to oversee a playtesting session of the new version of Guess Who? before the game's release to the public.
"Is your person demiboy?" asked playtester Zephyr.
"No," replied Onyx.
Zephyr slapped one of the 437 images down on xer guess board, but then hesitatingly put it back up after not being sure that the image was physically representing a demiboy or a demigirl.
"Is your person bigender?" asked Onyx.
"No," replied Zephyr. "What about aliagender?"
"No, what about femme?"
"No! Is your person genderblank?"
"I don't think so. These cards make it hard to tell sometimes… is your person epicene?"
"No. Is your person esspigender?"
At publishing time, the playtesters had found a loophole when they started asking questions like "despite how they identify, does this person look like they were assigned male at birth?" and game designers were busy writing errata to the rules to prohibit such "gamey" questions.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
