WASHINGTON, D.C. — Against all odds, the U.S. Navy has somehow managed to become even gayer, sources say.
"We've always known this particular branch of the military to be the gayest of all of them, but even they have surprised us all with by the lengths to which they will go to make themselves even gayer," said military journalist Dan Crullers. "They've truly outdone themselves here."
Brand new Navy Recruitment Ambassador and drag queen Joshua Kelley, (they/them) broke the news on a Chinese spy app called TikTok that he would be assisting the military in its efforts to recruit more drag queens to strike fear in the hearts of America's enemies. The campaign was created to help crew the brand new ship USS Harvey Milk and the nuclear submarine USS Sam Smith.
At publishing time, the Pentagon had also hired an inebriated Kid Rock to recruit new Marines.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
