U.S.—The raging dumpster fires of the nation held a press conference Monday at which they politely asked people to stop comparing them to American politics.
"We are being unfairly maligned here," said one garbage dumpster with huge flames bursting from its lid. "We dumpsters don't try to mess with your lives or anything."
The dumpster fires then produced a chart showing that while politicians have lots of bad qualities, dumpster fires possess none of these dangerous and deadly characteristics:
- Get rid of trash
- Provide warmth
- Provide heat
- Are fun to watch
- Probably won't blow up the planet
- Don't try to get you all outraged every day, just want to burn in peace
- Sometimes are literally trash
- Tax warmth
- Tax heat
- Are painful to watch
- Probably will blow up the planet
- Run obnoxious ads that pollute your media feeds for years
"As you can see, we dumpster fires are often unfairly discriminated against," said Tom Trash Can, a burning dumpster fire in a Chicago alley. "We're actually pretty neat once you get to know us."
The dumpster fires asked people to raise awareness about this important issue using the hashtag #NotAllDumpsterFires.