U.S.—The nation's men have urged their state and local governments to end their respective lockdowns before their wives start any more massive home improvement projects they'll inevitably have to help with.
Projections indicate that for every week the lockdown continues, your spouse will start an average of 17.5 new DIY home improvement projects, from painting a room or refinishing an old dresser to putting up shiplap or barn doors.
"This is a crisis. I'm basically living in an HGTV show now," shouted Los Angeles man Edgar Willis as his wife, Heather, operated a circular saw. "She knocked down a wall yesterday. I'm not even sure she knew why. She just wanted to knock something over, I think."
"Yeah, I'm coming!" he yelled to his wife as she asked for his help nailing in another row of shiplap on their bedroom wall.
A poll found that 97% of spouses have started knocking things over, putting up crown moulding, nailing in baseboards, tearing up carpet, and hanging shiplap on every imaginable surface during the quarantine.
"This must end."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.