U.S. — As the United States enters the 33rd month of Joe Biden's presidency, the American people expressed conflicted feelings, with most people torn between being angry the president never shows up for work and being relieved he never shows up for work.
"I'm not sure which one is worse," said concerned citizen Cliff Martin. "I mean, on one hand, it's an outrage that the leader of the United States spends so much of his time on vacation — while parts of the country literally get burned or flooded — but on the other hand, it might actually be a lot worse if he showed up to work more regularly. Either way, I wish I could afford food. That would be nice."
Though some segments of the public have voiced anger over the fact that President Biden has spent an astounding 40% of his time in office on vacation, others point to the unmitigated havoc he has managed to wreak while reporting to work just over half the time. "Can you imagine the damage he would do if he spent less time on vacation?" asked commercial driver Ryan Kitchen. "How high would gas prices be? How many people would be unemployed? How many more proxy wars would we be involved in? Think of the carnage! The thought of him taking fewer days off keeps me awake at night."
At publishing time, sources within the White House had given assurances that there are currently no plans in place for Joe Biden to begin spending any more time actually performing any of the duties expected of a president.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
