WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Nancy Pelosi cautioned that if people persist in asking her whether aliens are real, she will order the mothership to blow up the earth with its superlaser.
With the release a trove of files related to UFOs, Congress has faced repeated questioning about what the government really knows about aliens. Pelosi, however, stated that further queries would be relayed to the mothership currently hovering over D.C.
"I've had it with these ridiculous questions about aliens. One more, and I'm calling Commander Zarg," warned Pelosi. "This is a serious time in American politics, and I refuse to waste my breath talking about alien spaceships. Don't test me. My blaster is no longer set to 'stun'."
Despite Pelosi's warning, several people nearby asked why she was holding what appeared to be a glowing transponder. "Ms. Pelosi, please - you appear to actually be holding alien technology in your hands at this moment," said journalist Mark Galen. "Can you please tell us about what alien civilization, if any, that you are in contact with?"
At publishing time, Pelosi had whispered into her device, "Just take Mark for now."
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