U.S. — Prominent figures in the trans movement are now using their voice to tell the whole world that despite being featured on countless billboards, magazines, and movies and being praised by every celebrity, multi-billion-dollar corporation, and millions of leftists, they are actually marginalized.
"I've been oppressed, marginalized, and ignored my entire life for who I am, and I'm tired of it," said transwoman Ashley Blake while accepting an award for bravery and standing on a pedestal in front of a massive audience on national television. "I'm without a doubt the most forgotten, persecuted, and mistreated person on the planet, but if you make fun of me or don't use the right pronouns the government will come and take your kids away and put you in jail."
According to sources, Ashley was met with thunderous applause, 5 standing ovations, and dozens of people fainting from how stunning and brave Ashley's speech was. Afterward, hundreds of roses were thrown at his feet while countless paparazzi snapped photos begging for an interview, and a statue was commissioned in Ashley's honor.
At publishing time, Ashley Blake had to step away from speaking about how marginalized and oppressed he was after getting a phone call from Nike, Bud Light, and The White House about how they all wanted to work with him.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
