Mormon Family Proud OINKs (One Income Nine Kids)
Family · Dec 6, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

IOWA CITY, IA — On the other end of the spectrum from "DINK" (Dual Income No Kids) families, local Mormon parents Logan and Stacy Jensen have proudly claimed the rare title of "OINKs", meaning a family with one income and nine kids.

"We're just living the OINK dream," said Stacy. "Our lives overflow with life, laughter, and Costco peanut butter. It's a beautiful thing."

According to sources, the couple had considered stopping at eight kids, but the term OIEK just did not make any sense. "It doesn't roll off the tongue at all," said Logan. "We're so thankful we had what's-her-face and made it to OINK-land."

In a recent phenomenon, thousands of DINK couples have begun spending their days posting videos online assuring everyone how happy they are. "Haha I am so happy, here is a video to show you how happy I am," said Anthony Foster, one half of a local DINK couple. "If you don't believe me, I will spend tomorrow recording even more video messages proving to the world that I am so, so happy. Haha! Look at this smile!"

Though a rarity in modern culture, sociologists say OINKs were quite common up until a few decades ago. "In some sense, in the traditional subsistence farming culture, most families were 'NINKs‘ - meaning no income and nine kids," explained sociologist Amy McGrath. "During the Great Depression, we saw TINKs as wives and children were forced into the workforce, creating three-income families. In years past, being a DINK by choice would have been a shameful thing. The stability of NINKs can devolve to TINKs, but no one ever imagined it would lead to DINKs."

At publishing time, the Jensen family had sat down to a greater feast of blessing than any voluntary DINK could ever imagine.


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