PAWTUCKET, RI - Hasbro has announced a new version of Monopoly will be released where all rent will be suspended until further notice. In addition, the board game will now give players $1200 for passing the Go space. All railroads will be closed, though essential services such as the utilities and the income taxes will still be open.
"These new rules will stimulate Monopoly's economy," said a Hasbro spokesperson. "Why just give out $200 when we can increase that number to $1200 and make everybody a winner?"
Unfortunately, after the designers increased the game's income, players simply paid a lot more for the few things they could still spend their money on, driving up prices. The cost of Free Parking, for instance, experienced massive inflation and now costs $1200 to park on. Get Out of Jail Free cards are also $1200 now. Hasbro says they may be forced to increase income to $5000 to compensate.
The quarantine edition will also just send you to jail constantly whenever you try to move around to different spaces on the board to make sure you don't spread COVID-19.