GREAT FALLS, MT — Local wife and mother Bonnie Auburn set a new record Thursday morning when she managed to enjoy three consecutive sips of coffee before being bothered by her children.
The children ended her run when they suddenly bolted from their bedrooms like the bulls of Pamplona. "Mom. Mom! What's for breakfast? Did you get Cheerios? I like Cheerios. UGH, I HATE SHREDDED WHEAT!" the children said as they poked her in the ribs.
The previous record holder was Paula Rimly of Rhode Island, who set a record of enjoying 1.5 sips of coffee before being bothered by her children all the way back in 1964. Rimly was reportedly only able to set that record because she was deaf and couldn't hear her children approach, granting her precious seconds of relaxation. Many experts believed Rimly's record would never be broken, but Auburn was able to make history today.
"I couldn't have done this without my French press," Auburn said. "It's more time-consuming than a Keurig, but it's quiet. It's the only way to make coffee without waking up the kids."
Auburn confirmed she had been motivated to break the record ever since she was a little girl. "I would always interrupt my mom during her morning cup of coffee and she would start crying for no reason," she recalls. "She sat me down one day and told me, 'No mother has ever enjoyed a nice cup of coffee. Maybe someday you will be the first.' Then, I knew I had to be."
She's not there yet, but Auburn hopes her three sips of coffee would serve as a stepping stone to eventually enjoying a full cup of coffee. "I hope this shows moms everywhere that we can do it! We can do the impossible!" she said.
At publishing time, mothers everywhere were reportedly jealous of Bonnie Auburn.
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