LONDON — In response to desperate pleas from downtrodden citizens throughout the United Kingdom, Russia announced it was preparing to send troops to liberate oppressed British people from communist rule.
British citizens who had been crushed under a communist reign of terror reportedly rejoiced when hearing the news that the brave, freedom-loving Russian military would soon arrive to set them free from the despotic British government.
"We have heard the cries for help from the persecuted British people," Russian President Vladimir Putin said when announcing the operation. "Our forces are now on their way to the United Kingdom to liberate these poor, helpless people from the iron grip of their oppressive communist rulers. We are happy to export the freedom we have here in Russia to the countries of the West."
Upon hearing of their impending liberation, British citizens wept tears of joy. "I have been dreaming of this day!" said London resident Wellington Hamptonshire. "We have been living under communist brutality and oppression for so long that we have forgotten what it feels like to be free. Thank God for the kindness of Russia and Vladimir Putin for risking so much to bring freedom to Great Britain!"
Sources within the British government said Prime Minister Keir Starmer remained committed to retaining power and keeping the people of the UK enslaved under his totalitarian regime.
At publishing time, Russia was rumored to also be in the early stages of making plans to liberate the United States in the event of a Kamala Harris presidency.
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