Boeing Compensates Stranded Astronauts With $50 Red Lobster Gift Cards
U.S. · Aug 9, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — Boeing rushed to the aid of astronauts stranded aboard the International Space Station by offering them $50 gift cards to Red Lobster.

"Can you believe it? Lobster and cheddar bay biscuits! I wish I could go to Red Lobster!" said Neil Strife at NASA Mission Control. "That makes me wish I was a stranded astronaut!"

Red Lobster, known for its family-friendly casual dining experience and being the first seafood restaurant in America to serve jumbo shrimp, popcorn shrimp, calamari, and snow crab, filed for bankruptcy and closed multiple locations across the U.S. earlier this year.

"It's sure to be a real treat for those astronauts if they ever get off that space station," Boeing founder and CEO Bob Boeing said in a statement. "If they can actually find a Red Lobster location near them that is still open, that is."

Astronauts Butch Whilmore and Suni Williams have been stranded on the International Space Station since June after their Boeing Starliner sprang more than four leaks from its propulsion-related plumbing systems and its five thrusters failed. Whilmore and Williams have reportedly remained in high spirits, thinking about the Ultimate Feast at Red Lobster, a dish that comes with crab legs and lobster tail.

"Just imagine, Suni," Whilmore was overheard saying by Mission Control as he ingested sardines that had been formed into a crude paste. "We're going to eat like royalty!"

At publishing time, the astronauts had not yet been notified that all Red Lobsters within several states of their homes had been permanently closed.


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