READING, PA — According to sources, a local mother was carefully looking through the toy aisles of a nearby store for the perfect present that her child would break in four seconds.
Several witnesses close to the family said the woman was hoping her son Gerald could get a few precious seconds with a raggedy Chinese-made plastic toy before it would crack in half or totally malfunction.
"Hm, should get the cheap China-made toy dump truck, or the cheap China-made police car?" said the mother of 4 to herself. "Gerald is bound to enjoy one of these toys for a handful of moments before it becomes trash in my house the very same morning it's opened."
Experts said most toys on Christmas morning last an average of 5 seconds of playtime. "China is currently researching technology that will allow toys to last an average of 6 seconds," said one toy expert. "We believe they are very close."
Chinese officials, however, insisted that the short lifespan of toys manufactured in their country is a safety feature, as it prevents kids from ingesting the lead paint they cover all their toys with. "Child safety is important to us," said Chinese President Xi. "Please buy more cheap stuff."
At publishing time, the mother had purchased the cheap China-made dump truck, which broke on her way to her car.
Heartwarming!
