TUCSON, AZ — Ahead of the upcoming holiday, local Christian mom Helen Richards reportedly couldn't decide if she should allow her kids to dress up for Halloween or have them get into Heaven instead.
"It's a tough choice," Richards reportedly told her friends. "They'd have fun, but on the other hand, Hell sounds pretty bad."
Richards has explicitly called out Halloween in the past for its mystical roots in idolatry, witchcraft, and paganism. However, the more she thought about it, the more she said she liked the idea of her son dressed as a cool ninja. "That would be pretty adorable," she confessed. "But what of the demonic influences tied to dressing as ninjas? That's a thing, right? Are there godly ninjas?"
Locals reportedly suggested that Richards needed to chill out and consider dressing up as someone who likes Halloween. "I don't know all the history of Halloween, if it has roots in paganism, I have no reason to dispute that," said Eddie Wright, a neighbor. "But it's certainly not that way today. Kids dressing as Moana is not satanic. Actually, wait, maybe she has a point."
At publishing time, Helen Richards compromised by letting her kids dress as famous Christian theologians.
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