U.S. — In addition to preventing people from entering the United States from various nations around the world, the White House revealed on Tuesday that Minnesota had been added to President Trump's third-world travel ban.
The additional order would officially keep anyone from the foreign land of Minnesota from entering the U.S., eliciting a collective sigh of relief from Americans across the country who live in fear of encountering dangerous immigrants from the North Star State.
"They're not sending us our best," Trump told reporters in the Oval Office after adding Minnesota to the travel ban. "Murderers, rapists, criminals of all kinds. We can't trust these foreigners from Minnesota to follow our laws, so I'm officially banning them from entering our country. Minnesota is filled with people who hate America, so they don't need to be coming here anyway. If we find any Minnesotans in other places around the country, we'll deport them back to their home state."
In response to being added to Trump's third-world travel ban, mobs of angry Minnesotans took to the streets to wave Somali flags and set buildings on fire. "Death to America!" shouted one Minnesotan. "We hate this country we migrated to and will work tirelessly to participate in its downfall, but this proves that Trump is a fascist!"
The White House clarified that the travel ban would remain in place until the U.S. could negotiate an agreement to ensure that Americans would remain safe from Minnesotans.
At publishing time, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz had been barred from leaving the state after President Trump accused Minnesota of emptying its mental institutions and attempting to send deranged people into the U.S.
Heartwarming!
