U.S. — It was revealed Friday that the popular video game Minecraft is an elaborate PSYOP orchestrated by the CIA to prepare kids for the return of American coal mining.
Minecraft, an open-world sandbox survival game where players mine and then craft limitless creations in a world of varying ecosystems and monsters for some reason, was first created by Markus Persson. It is now known, however, that Persson is a CIA operative who has been preparing for a world in which Trump would bring back coal mining and relax child labor laws.
"Despite all the climate drama, we always knew American coal was going to come back," Persson said. "But with the public industry moving away from it, we had to find a way to prepare the next generation for the hard, thankless work of coal mining. And that's how I came up with Minecraft."
According to newly declassified documents, Minecraft was first developed by Persson with the help of NSA programmers, including Edward Snowden, back in 2009. After Snowden leaked an early developmental build and fled the country in 2013, Persson was reportedly demotivated and contracted further development out to Electronic Arts the following year.
Though Minecraft features gameplay that goes beyond mining, everything revolves around it. Players must mine for continued resources to support other activities. And just like in real life, everything comes back to coal. Without coal, you can't easily refine metals, cook food, or light your way in dark tunnels.
The plan seems to have worked. A new survey of over 5,000 children showed that over 90% of them wanted to be coal miners when they grew up. And several adults who grew up playing the game have already traded in their controllers for pickaxes and blast drills.
At publishing time, coal manufacturing was shut down after new coal miners kept digging straight down and trapping themselves in pits they couldn't get out of.
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