REDMOND, WA — Peaceful social justice leaders have come to the world of Minecraft to educate gamers about peaceful resistance as a means to fight for equal rights among the marginalized and OH NO! THEY BURNED DOWN THE VILLAGE!
WHY DID THEY DO THAT?
VILLAGERS HAVE TAKEN UP THE CAUSE AND BEGUN LOOTING STORES! THE IRON GOLEM HAS BEEN LAID WASTE, FOILED BY RIOTERS AND A WITCH!
FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!
THE GATES HAVE BEEN SET ABLAZE! NOTHING CAN KEEP AWAY THE ZOMBIE HORDE! SKELETON ARCHERS SLAY THE INNOCENT AND THE CHICKEN JOCKEY ROAMS FREE!
THE FIRE SPREADS TO THE COUNTRYSIDE! THE BABY PANDAS ARE DYING! THE BABY PANDAS!
NPC DON LEMON JUST RAIDED A PLAYER'S CASTLE AND ASKED HIM WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO LIVE WITH A CRAFTER'S PRIVILEGE! HE CANNOT JUST TRESSPASS LIKE THAT! OH NO! HE LET ALL THE CHICKENS ESCAPE AND THEY RAN INTO THE FIRE!
At publishing time, Microsoft noted a surprising drop in Minecraft players.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
