BOSTON, MA — After declaring a state of emergency due to the influx of migrants numbering in the dozens, Massachusetts began to wonder if former President Trump was onto something with that whole build-the-wall thing.
"So, it turns out walls prevent certain, umm, people from entering certain, umm, places," said Massachusetts Governor Maura Healey while blockading her office door with furniture for fear that migrants might come within arm's reach of her. "Also, you'll never guess what 'sanctuary state' actually means, hahaha."
Meanwhile, in the humble town of Martha's Vineyard, residents had descended upon the perfectly-landscaped city park and were chanting, "BUILD THE WALL BUT WE STILL LOVE EVERYONE! BUILD THE WALL BUT WE ARE A SANCTUARY CITY!" The cries from residents wanting a wall may, in fact, be justified after their lives have been upended by what they describe as "roaming gangs of cleaning ladies and gardeners."
In response to The Bay State's about-face on building a wall, Trump called Ron DeSantis "a poo-breathed ninny with weird toes and who probably doesn't even like golf."
At publishing time, the island town of Martha's Vineyard had begun placing miles of floating barriers to stop immigrants but reassured the press that theirs were a non-racist blue color.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
