WASHINGTON, D.C.—A nefarious gang of masked bandits has voted to steal another $500 billion from your grandchildren, investigators confirmed Thursday. The mysterious masked culprits are currently wanted for stealing trillions from your grandchildren but have not been apprehended yet and so are continuing to plot more heists.
While most criminal heists involve breaking into a vault, jumping onto a moving train, or blowing up the moon, this supervillain gang's plan is more subdued but no less evil: they will simply print money, borrow money, and raise taxes until your kids and grandkids have nothing left.
"It's the perfect crime," said the gang's ringleader, cackling, as she approved the plan to rob your grandchildren of their future. "We print the money, we borrow the money, then we're gone before the bill comes due. The plan is flawless! Muahahaha!"
"And then... we kill the Batman! No, wait."
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.