MARGARITAVILLE — Authorities in Margaritaville have called for all the tiny drink umbrellas to be flown at half-staff today in honor of the late Mayor, Mr. Jimmy Buffett.
"If it were possible to have a sad day in Margaritaville, today would be the day," said the announcement. "All we ask is that everyone fly their drink umbrella at half-staff and order a cheeseburger with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and french-fried potatoes."
According to locals, Mr. Buffett passed away at five o'clock - at least, five o'clock somewhere. "Alright, let's all pour something tall and strong," said local man Alan Jackson. "You know what? Make it a hurricane. Everyone's welcome to sail in today -- just keep it between the navigational beacons."
At publishing time, sources report that Mr. Buffett had finally been reunited with his lost shaker of salt.
Brynnleigh is on a mission to stop America from becoming… well, America.
