HUNTSVILLE, AL — According to sources, a local man who proudly displays a "Don't Tread On Me" flag dutifully filed his income taxes this year, quietly handing over 40% of his total income to the government he labels tyrannical and oppressive.
"Please enjoy nearly half of my money and do what you want with it," said Bruce Pichard as he willingly did his part to fund the dictatorial machine of the U.S. federal government. "You don't represent any of my core values or beliefs and you actively work to trample the basic principles upon which this once-great nation was founded, but by all means, take tens of thousands of dollars from me again this year."
Prichard, whose social media accounts all bear a profile picture of him standing shirtless in front of his yellow Gadsden flag with an AR-15 in each arm, took time away from writing his latest anti-government Facebook screed to make sure his employer had correctly applied his most recent tax filing modifications for withholdings on his paychecks. "Don't want to run afoul of Uncle Sam, no siree," Prichard said. "I'm a decent, law-abiding American citizen, just like the Founding Fathers, who actually had the courage to stand up to their oppressive leaders."
At publishing time, it was believed Prichard was still planning to attend the weekly meeting of his local chapter of the Proud Boys militia group, though he was also going to stop at the post office on the way to mail out his property tax payment on time.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
