Man Showing No Signs Of Repentance In His Life Still Pretty Sure He's One Of The Elect
Christian Living

GRAND CEDAR, OR—Local man Henry Paulson is pretty sure he's one of the elect despite showing no signs of repentance, faith, love for the believers, love for God, desire to read God's Word, or sanctification. "Yeah, I'm a Calvinist," he told reporters. "And I'm pretty confident that I'm one of God's elect chosen ones, like the Bible says pretty clearly in there. I mean, I don't act like one or anything. But I've got a cool beard and a lot of theology books. I drink craft IPAs. I argue about theology in a Facebook group sometimes. So yeah, I think I've made my point." Sources confirmed that Paulson doesn't regularly gather with God's people, doesn't ever pray or read his Bible, and never feels the Holy Spirit convicting him of sin. "Sure, that's all true. But I prayed this prayer when I was five. I signed a little paper and everything. Once saved, always saved. I think that's one of the five solas."


What’s with people who hate the greatest holiday of the year? The real truth of the anti-Thanksgiving movement is revealed in this video.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
There are 150 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.