BOSTON, MA - According to sources, local man Marley Maddingly is on his 8th COVID booster, but he's still chasing that high he felt when he got that first Pfizer shot to protect himself and others while showing the world he was a good person.
"It's... just not the same anymore," said Maddingly sadly to reporters while applying his third mask and leaving the vaccination center. "The rush of adrenaline, the swelling pride, the warm feeling of safety - as if being wrapped in the arms of loving pharmaceutical executives, that's all gone now. I feel empty."
Sources reported that Maddingly is also quietly starting to question the effectiveness of these vaccines due to the fact he's caught COVID four times and had three heart attacks in the last three years.
"I'm 8 boosters in. I'm in too deep. It's too late to turn back now," he lamented.
At publishing time, Maddingly elected to try the monkeypox vaccine, scheduled his 9th booster and had another heart attack.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: