DALLAS, TX - Local man Tregg Trenton lost his job three weeks ago since it was deemed "non-essential" by the authorities. Trenton and some ten million other people have lost their employment since the coronavirus began spreading across our country and the government forced the economy to shut down. It seems as though something like this would be devastating to a worker who's just trying to provide for his family.

But Trenton and those like him are taking comfort in the fact that their jobs are "non-essential."

"The job that put clothes on my back and fed my kids is non-essential? Oh, OK," he sighed as he tried to figure out how to pay his bills. "I'm glad some bureaucrats have decided that the work I contributed to our economy and used to pay my bills wasn't really needed all along."

"Good to know."

The man is starting to suspect he should have taken up a more essential career like confiscating people's water bottles as a TSA worker or doing a study on endangered lemurs for the government. "I really should have thought about how essential my career was before I went into construction," he said, shaking his head.