JUNO BEACH, FL—In a moving gesture of Christlike love for his wife, local man Steve Dylan reportedly allowed his wife to just hang out by herself for a few hours on Valentine's Day.
"Honey, I'm giving you the best gift I possibly can: I've lit up a log in the fireplace. Here's your favorite book about vampires. Here's a coffee. I'm taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese's. Have a great night," he said.
His wife immediately burst into tears of joy.
"It's definitely the best thing anyone's ever done for me," she told reporters as she sipped a hot beverage and read her favorite book, occasionally stopping to browse Instagram for no reason in particular. "I'm thinking about firing up Breath of the Wild later and knocking out a few shrines."
"Best Valentine's Day ever," she said. "Now leave me alone."